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When words run out...

It doesn't matter what the situation, I always have something to say. It’s my thing - a security blanket of sorts.

Even when I force myself to hold my tongue, I have already formulated a thought or an opinion on the topic of the conversation that I'm in. When I'm in a new or uncomfortable situation, I talk double time – prattling on about things that don’t matter at all. When I fight with my husband, I'm quick on my feet with plenty of angles to talk from. When I'm excited, nervous or simply content I always have something to say about it. (It probably gets annoying to those around me.)

Lately however, there is nothing. Something is stirring in my heart, but I can’t put a word to it.

It’s terrifying.
And it’s amazing.

It’s so much easier to rely on myself than to let go and trust what God is doing.

The thing about God is that He is in complete control (which scares me to bits); but, at the same time, He is completely good (which makes it so natural to trust Him).

This morning, two of the passages that I read spoke to me.

“But, they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:30-31)
And

“Though you soar aloft like the eagle; though your nest is among the stars, from there I will bring you down, declares the Lord.” (Obadiah 1:4)

It is God who raises us up to soar like eagles and it is God who brings us down when we are soaring. He holds every moment, every high, every low and every breath that we are to have in his hand; which, if he were not perfectly Good, would be terrifying. It still is a little, simply because it is so far beyond understanding.  (Every good thing that we've known hasn't been purely good, so God’s goodness is beyond our human comprehension.)

And so, here I sit- speechless – comforted by the power of God; able to utter nothing more than, “heal me”. I don’t know what I need, but the Holy Spirit does. I can only cry and trust that He knows what it is that my heart is crying. I am reminded of yet another passage that is also a promise:

“Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” (Romans 8:26-27)


The God who is great enough to build up and tear down, the God who is purely and perfectly good, sees and hears the words that we can’t form and meets the needs that we can’t put words to. Isn't that - isn't he - amazing!? 

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