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Self vs. Christ Esteem

Two days ago our computer cord went on the fritz and so I've been forced to take a “technology fast”.  I’m actually quite excited about it. I had been thinking some time about taking a couple weeks “off” and now I get three! My plan is to write up some thoughts for the day and Josh (who is such an amazing husband to do this) will type them up and post them on his lunch break.

And so, thoughts from day one:

Today was a good day, weird to be so "un-connected", but good. It was the sort of day when I chase life around with my camera, cuddle the kids a bunch and listen to some great music (Today’s choice was a new Christmas CD. Judge me all you like! After being flat on my back, sick for a week, Christmas music seemed like just the thing.)

One thing about being “unplugged” is that I found a ton of extra time to think, so I found myself thinking and praying about something that has been on my heart for a while. Self-esteem.

This thanksgiving, at Josh’s parent’s place, we played football. We always do. It’s great fun, although I’m terrible at it!! Being afraid of flying objects doesn't work well with sports like football….or any sports, really. The time came to pick teams. Dread! Panic! Mortification! I have to admit, I wasn't very classy about it (which is likely the only reason that I was picked second-last instead of last), but while it was entertaining, it got me thinking about self-esteem.

I've never had much of it. Maybe it’s because I was a short, bookish teenager that wore Northern Reflections sweaters long after they had gone out of fashion. Maybe it’s because I was put up for adoption as a baby. Maybe it’s because I’m so “country” or maybe it has nothing to do with those things, it’s simply a state of mind. Whatever the case, I know, painfully well, what it is to feel/be unwanted and to be picked dead last….over and over again. I know what it is to have no self-esteem.

And that’s a good thing! Here’s why: I don’t believe in self-esteem.  I believe in Christ-esteem. I believe that the sole purpose of my life is to esteem Christ. To glorify not myself, but Him. To delight not in myself, my greatness or my “desirability”, but in His.

What a comfort to know that to Christ, my value is such that He would give His very life in love for me. And in turn, I will give my very life in love to Him.

Obviously, there are more “technicalities” to it than that (Perhaps for another day in this “unplugged” journey of mine), but essentially, it matters not that I may be picked last for everything in this life. I am chosen by God (1 Peter 2:9) and not so that I can live my life knowing how important and esteemed I am, but so that I can glorify God and serve others (Matt 5:16).

If you are feeling unwanted today, guard your mind! Hold to the promises of scripture. You are a chosen one. Instead of feeling discouraged today, let’s find at least one thing that will esteem Christ.


There is no greater joy. 

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