A fishbowl called fear.

On the night of our seventh anniversary, we had the scare of our lives. Someone called the cops on us…at one o’clock in the morning.

There is something terrifying about waking up to officers in your bedroom, shining their lights on you.

My immediate thoughts were, “Who are these people in my room?” followed by “Why in the world would the police have received a domestic disturbance call to our house?” and finally, “I wonder if they know that I’m not wearing pants.”

Yup, that last one was quite poignant!

But, as funny as that is, there is nothing amusing about the police thinking you are abusing your children.

Thankfully, they soon realized that Isaac had just had a nightmare, that Josh was already with him, that the rest of the kids were sleeping peacefully (myself included) and that Isaac was happy as a clam to have policemen in his bedroom (and not remotely afraid of us).

But, even though the situation was resolved painlessly (Praise the Lord!), Josh and I were both quite  rattled emotionally. We couldn’t sleep that night and the next day, every time the kids cried, we worried that someone would phone the police again and take them away from us.

I called Josh at work part way through the afternoon, super stressed out, and said, “I feel like I’m living in a fishbowl!” Every turn I make, I’m worried that someone is going to call the cops on me. (and if you know kids, you know that crying is their first response to pretty much anything unpleasant!)

Even though I had done nothing wrong, even though I love my kids and, yes, discipline them (because I love them), even though I have nothing to hide and am not ashamed of anything, the idea that neighbors are watching so closely (and judging me) scares me to bits!

But why? Why am I afraid?

Is God not in control anymore? Does He not have my best in mind? And, even if I were to lose my children, my reputation, my home, could I not trust that God was still taking care of us all? That His ways were still perfect.

Lots of times it’s these “valleys of fear” that I need to remind me of how powerful and loving God really is! Here are a couple of verses that are a comfort to me:

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear

What can man do to me?

The Lord is on my side as my helper

I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.

Psalm 118:6-7

When I am afraid

I put my trust in You

In God, whose word I praise

In God, I trust; I shall not be afraid.

What can flesh do to me?

Psalm 56:3-4

And that is just the tip of the ice burg of truth from the Bible about fear!

(As an aside, I love David! I love how much he addresses fear.  I love that such a bold, soldier of a man clearly battled with fear)

So, here is the truth that I’m learning: Our family has put our trust in God. We are doing our best to raise our kids to serve and honor Him. Even if horrible times come, I believe that man cannot touch our souls. That we are safe in the arms of Christ.

The other “awakening” that this ordeal brought was the fact that I am always in a fishbowl. And that’s not a scary, but a good thing! As a Christian, I want my life to be on display. I want to live in such a way that people can look in the window and see Love and Faith and tons of Grace.

I want them to know that I mess up, that I yell at my kids sometimes, but that I also apologize. That I try to help them see that Jesus died for things like Mommy yelling when she should be patient. For boys who hit when they should share. For big girls who pout when they don’t get their own way.

He came for the sick! For the ones who mess up. For the ones who need redemption.

So, no more fishbowl called fear! We are  now living in the fishbowl called Grace!